all these things i've done.

Note: this post will probably be 50 times more awesome if you listen to the killer's "all these things i've done" while you read it.

as i'm sitting here drinking probably my one millionth diet coke in my nearly 26 years, with my ferret jumping onto my back over and over trying to get my attention while i attempt to type, i find myself reflecting on all of the completely moronic things i've done in my life.

i've done a lot of really, horrifically, embarrassingly, stupid things. want some examples? okay!

one time when i was a secretary i threw away ALL of the paperwork on "cafeteria plans" because "we don't even have a cafeteria in here!"

another time i went to the dr. because my hands were turning blue thanks to my new "dark wash" jeans. but obviously i thought i was dying.

another time i washed my clothes with fabric softener  instead of laundry detergent for an entire year and a half because i legitimately didn't know the difference. and i wondered why my clothes never looked clean and why i always smelled like b.o.

last year i rolled out of bed in my sleep and landed on my ukulele. i still don't know if i cried my eyes out for my hip or my ukulele.

i won't admit to the number of times i have spilled cans of soda and/or bowls of cold cereal in my bed.

i've lit my hair on fire more than one time.

i almost blinded myself staring at the bulbs in the tanning bed the first time i went tanning.

let also take a minute to acknowledge that i am a ginger. and i was in a tanning bed.

one time i gave myself massive rug burns on both of my butt cheeks  and the wedgie of the century when i decided to slide down the stairs in my underwear when my foot was broken and my ankles were both sprained and i couldn't get my pants on OR walk. (that was obviously the most logical way of getting to my bed.)

i'd prefer to not talk about the topics of "sunburns" and "cooking failures."

another time i saw all these cool ways of altering your clothes on pinterest without having to sew. they mostly included turning your old sweater sleeves into leg warmers and your jeans into shorts. because leg warmers and cut off jeans are even a style these days?! lets just say i ended up with a lot less clothes than i had before, and my loved ones refer to the incident as "the 2013 jeans massacre."

this list could go on until you worry for my sanity and well being so we'll stop there.

but of all the stupid things i've done, i have to say the worst one has been entrusting my heart with people who end up seeing little, if any value in it. i believe there are two kinds of people in this world. the ones who love effortlessly and genuinely; they are always eager and willing to love at nearly any cost. and then there is everyone else. it's really hard to fall into the first category. and OH! do i fall into that category. not only do you get hurt over and over again until you start to wonder if you are broken beyond repair, you are misunderstood, and often times misrepresented. sincerity is mistaken for over eagerness. genuine effort and sacrifice are considered creepy and weird. we live in a society where the value in love is continually decreasing. and there's no coincidence that hard work is right there beside it.

that being said, even though i would never stare at a tanning bed light bulb or slide down carpeted stairs in my undies again, and even though i now use actual laundry soap and i skip over anything that say "diy" on pinterest, and even though my greatest idiotic action in life was my openness to love, i would still do that one again. and again and again. because the only thing worse than getting hurt AND having someone proceed to make a fool of you, is the inability to really, truly, love another human being. ESPECIALLY after someone makes you feel broken for doing so. (and sometimes that someone is simply life itself.)

because, at the end of the day i still have eyes that work, and a butt that still has skin on it. my odor is no longer offending anyone. i like all my new jeans better than my old ones anyways. if i time travel to the 80s one day i will have enough leg warmers for every day of the month. my heart is big and soft and silly and welcoming as ever. and even though i will never be a soldier i've got enough soul to make up for it 10 times over.

and lets be honest, my battle will also be won with all these things i've done. especially the stupid ones.and ESPECIALLY the one where i always choose to love.